Recent College Grad Not Sure if She Should Order Her Ninth Drink

recent college grad drinkingCHICAGO, IL — Elizabeth Yapp, who just graduated from college, is on the fence about whether or not to order her ninth drink of the night. Ever since moving to Chicago in February, Yapp has not been sure if she should drink like a college student or a young professional.

Throughout her college career, Yapp would always err on the side of fun – and totally drink more. But ever since starting her first full-time job, she has been hesitant about her drinking habits.

“I meet all of these young professionals at the bars and they only have one or two drinks, then they leave and go home,” explained Yapp in disbelief. “I always wonder if I should do the same.”

Yapp, who has always gone by Lizzy, but has since changed her name to Elizabeth to seem more professional, tried the two drink approach last week. “It was boring as hell,” stated Yapp, “and I couldn’t feel a damn thing.”

Frustrated by her fellow young professional’s drinking habits, Yapp decided to attempt to find a happy balance between the two lifestyles. “It’s just really hard,” said Yapp. “Getting drunk is just so freaking fun”.

Yapp’s co-worker and friend, Alyssa Cooper, is fed up with her drunken, young professional friend. “It’s absurd, really,” said Cooper. “She binge drinks all night, acting super obnoxious, and then wakes up the following day at a reasonable hour and works on her resume.”

“When she blacks out she yells things like, ‘I own this city’, ‘I can get as drunk as I want,’ ‘we have interns for a reason’, and ‘I’d totally french my boss,’” said Cooper.

While ordering her ninth drink of the night, Yapp was explaining to her friends, “[I’m] really not that drunk. I just need one more drink. Then we can go.”