Dallas, Texas — This week the popular dating website, Match.com, unveiled plans for a new dating website for dogs.
“We’re really excited about our new dog dating website, PoochSmooch.com,” said Match.com spokeswoman, Martha Rader. “For the first time, dogs will be able to say, ‘I don’t like being single, and I’m going to do something about it.'”
Rader says that Pooch Smooch will have interactive features that will let dogs pick other dogs while maximizing their compatibility.
“With Pooch Smooch we didn’t want to just throw male dogs at bitches. We really wanted to analyze what qualities dogs find attractive in potential suitors. Maybe there’s a shared love of raw hides, maybe two dogs are both crazy about tennis balls. These are just some of the factors that will go into our Pooch Smooch dating algorithm.”
Rader said that while she expects there to be a few problems with the launch of Pooch Smooch, she is hopeful that they can keep their clients happy.
“As with any launch, there will be some problems, but we want to make sure our canine clients are happy with the service we provide. We absolutely don’t want a dog that loves chasing squirrels to get matched up with a dog that is the size of a squirrel. We would consider that a big mistake on our part.”
When asked if Pooch Smooch would cater exclusively to dogs looking for long-term relationships, Rader responded with a resounding, “heck no!”
“No, we want to cater to dogs of all varieties. If they want to find a dog to spend their life with that’s great, but we’re also going to cater to those dogs who just want to find something to hump, whether that’s another dog, a piece of furniture, or a human leg, Pooch Smooch will be there for them.”