Catching Up With The Bachelor

Alright, I apologize. Apparently there are some people who weren’t exactly thrilled that I dropped the ball the past few weeks. Disclaimer: I’m currently working a new job that doesn’t allow me the free time that my old job once did. However!… I should be working in a new position that will allow me to keep up with weekly updates. That said, with all my heart I will try to post a recap about tonight’s show, but to gear up for tonight’s trainwreck cough*Kelsey*cough, here are some quick thoughts about the last couple of weeks. (sorry about the typos, but I’m not sorry)

Ashley S.

I cannot start this without commenting on who has easily become my favorite person in the history of the show. We all saw that she was a little off during her interview about what she thought was an onion, and from there she just went full-on crazy. And I don’t mean crying, or Ashley I. crazy. I mean she is just generally a lunatic, and I’m surprised there wasn’t a producer thinking that maybe they shouldn’t let her near any sharp objects, or allow her to be alone with someone unsupervised. With that said, as far as I am concerned, every television network is losing money right now by not giving Ashley S. her own show. That would basically be the best television to ever grace America. It wouldn’t even be that hard, put her in a room with a hot iron, a tennis racket, a 2×4 and one terrified male, and see what happens — there’s my pitch ABC, take it or leave it.

Ashley I.

While we’re on the subject of Ashleys, let’s talk about the Kardashian virgin, Ashley I. Explain to me how she is already “virgin crazy” without having sex. I could see if maybe Chris “tested the waters” and she went batshit insane, but she is already there. I can’t imagine if Chris actually swiped her V-card what kind of insane person she would turn into.

The Missing Tent Sex

Grantland pointed out last week, that there was definitely something missing with the whole group date with the tents. During the season preview (feel free to look it up) it looks like Kaitlyn grabs some midnight Soule-food/felates Chris in a tent. I dunno if that happened which is why, when confronted by Britt, Chris uttered the most incoherent phrase since 5500 B.C. Fingers crossed the editors didn’t cut that out in favor of the Persian Virgin having a “deep conversation” while Chris is clearly hammered.

Britt’s Mistake

I was pulling for her. I really was, but Britt is clearly going down the “I’m going to be the one to call him on his shit” road. In real life, that might work, but on this show here’s what happens: Bachelor: “Oh there’s (insert girl), she’s fun to look at and talk to sometimes.”

Girl: “I’m going to call him out on making out with other girls that will make him respect me.

Bachelor: “Wow, this is a really unpleasant conversation to have. It’s a shame I don’t have 16 other women who are also into me…oh wait a second I do, and I don’t have to have this conversation.”

Girl: “I feel like I shouldn’t have said that to the Bachelor.”

…yeah, no. shit.

I’m going to say that is enough of a preview for tonight’s episode. Good night and good luck!

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