Topeka, Kansas — Following the season 5 finale of Game of Thrones, Brian Ward, husband and father of three, has begun liberally using the phrase “spoiler alert” in his everyday life, and, in just two days, it has become a major burden on his family.
“He didn’t know what it meant until he started reading online Game of Thrones forums. Now it’s gotten well out of hand,” said Ward’s 17-year-old son, Jake. “He thinks if he says ‘spoiler alert,’ before he does something atrocious, it makes everything okay.”
Jake said his father’s mental state started deteriorating after the infamous “Red Wedding” from the third season and has been declining ever since.
“Last night he told me, ‘Guess who my favorite child is. Spoiler alert! Your sister,’” said Jake.
Jake said that his father has begun using “spoiler alert” so often that the family is constantly on edge.
Jake gave us some more examples ranging from, “Guess how old the milk is that your drinking. Spoiler alert! 3 months!” “Guess who’s having sex with your Mother tonight. Spoiler alert! Me!” and “Guess who fell in the shower and is now in the hospital. Spoiler alert! Nana!”
“It’s really awful,” said Jake. “We’ve tried to get him to stop but he keeps saying, ‘if George R.R. Martin can kill off all of my favorite characters, then, spoiler alert! I’m not stopping,’ and honestly, I can’t really argue with that.”