Iran to US: Let’s See What Else They’ll Give Us

Ali KhameneiWashington D.C. — In the wake of a new nuclear deal for Iran, Supreme Leader, Ali Khamenei, has decided to see what else the United States is willing to grant his nation.

“They said ‘yes’ to nuclear weapons!” Began Khamenei, “That was like when a teenage girl asks for a new car for her birthday, with the hopes that she might be given $200 and a new pair of shoes. But they said yes!”

Clearly excited, Ali Khamenei said he wants to see what else President Obama is willing to give him.

“I feel like I just found out after 20 years that my Dad was a secret billionaire, and now will buy me whatever I want. Hey Mr. President, how about some of those brand new F22- Raptors? I promise I won’t use them, we just want to Iran to have them, you know to look at, because they’re so ‘pretty,'” said Ali Khamenei, making his best impression of puppy-dog eyes.

Ali Khamenei then expanded his requests from military devices to pop culture icons, “Maybe you should just let us have Jennifer Lawrence. I’ve always liked her, I’m a big fan of The Hunger Games, and would love to have her act out the final movie, playing all the parts. And while you’re at it, throw in Kevin Hart, that tiny man makes me laugh.”

Finally Ali Khamenei asked for a Walmart to be placed in the capital city of Tehran.

“You think I like hopping from store to store getting groceries, clothing, and weapons? Not at all. I want a Walmart Super Center where I can buy some Frito Tiny-Twists, and then hop over to the clothing section, pick up a shirt that says, “quit staring!” and then go buy 4-5 rifles, and maybe a fishing rod.” Ali Khamenei paused briefly and burst out laughing, “Haha, no, there’s no fishing in Iran, I would buy another gun.”

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