Akron, Ohio — A man has been spotted yelling in the street, clearly upset about something. We tried to figure out what exactly he was mad about, but we still are having a hard time discerning exactly why he’s yelling.
When asked directly about why he was yelling and angry the man replied, “God damn Ferguson, and New York City. Am I mad at the police or the protesters!? Because I don’t even know, but I am mad!”
We asked the man to elaborate.
“Gas prices are falling! Am I supposed to be upset or happy about that? Please, tell me! I just filled up my 14 gallon car for less than $20 but I think I’m supposed to want Saudi Arabia to cut oil production? I don’t know what you think, but I am downright mad about something,” said the man said while removing his shirt to reveal a woman crying painted on his chest.
“Bill Cosby is an alleged rapist. You know, the guy who tore into Richard Pryor and Eddie Murphy for being offensive. Damn!”
The man continued his rant.
“TCU and Baylor didn’t make the college football playoffs even though Ohio State deserved to, I don’t even know what to do with that one. We’ve got immigrants staying, or are they going? I don’t know, but God damn, I am upset about it one way or the other.”
“Breaking Bad’s over, so that sucks. And where’s my hoverboard Back to The Future?”
We asked the man to elaborate further, and it turned out he was just upset the Browns blew a lead, and lost to the Colts this past Sunday.