Local Stoner Reprimands High School For Drug Problem

Man dislikes high schoolersPortland, Oregon — 27-year-old, Gregg Clark, of Portland, Oregon enjoys smoking Marijuana. Clark says it helps him “mellow out,” after a workday, and gives him time to relax. Lately Clark’s buzz has been “harshed” by some local high school students.

“These high schools have a big drug problem,” said Clark while smoking a marijuana cigarette. “I see these kids skipping school, with their long hair. I know it’s just a matter of time until I get something stolen.”

Clark said that while he admits to smoking on an almost daily basis, he believes that his claims are justified and not just a product of rampant paranoia.

“Look, I know what you’re thinking, ‘here’s a guy who smokes a lot of weed making ridiculous accusations,’ and yes, it is true that I misplace things more than they’re stolen, but I know these kids are just going down a dangerous road, that will eventually lead to them destroying my property.”

Clark said he plans to organize a meeting addressing the community’s drug problem.

“Drug problem? No, no. We need to stem the teenager problem in this community. I’m sick and tired of feeling like I’m being scouted for thievery and mischief.”

We asked local high schoolers about Mr. Clark, and they said that he’s a “creepy recluse, that doesn’t get outside much.” One student said, “That guy’s 27? He acts like he’s in his 80’s.”

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