Apple Unveils New “What to Not Name Your Child” App

Don't name your kids appCupertino, California — Today Apple unveiled a new app to help expecting parents name their children. The app hopes to help parents cut down on “naming mistakes,” and looks to cut down on children feeling embarrassed that their parents named them something ridiculous.

“At Apple we try to think about all of our demographics,” said Apple spokesperson, Donna Caldwell. “And one of our key demographics will be people who are not yet born. Therefore we want to help their parents pick out appropriate names that don’t embarrass their children.”

Caldwell says the App was “rather simple” to come up with.

“Basically if you type in a name, and our system autocorrects it, then don’t name your child that. For example, if you want to name your child ‘Rayne’ and our app autocorrects to ‘raccoon’ maybe think about a different name.”

Caldwell said the app should be self explanatory to future parents.

“If you type in LeDarius and it autocorrects to ‘look around,’ you don’t want your child to have to deal with kids sending text messages to ‘look around,’ for a majority of his youth. It’s just confusing.”

Caldwell says that they hope to have future versions of the app that will prevent parents from naming their children after food items.

“Whether it’s an actual food item like ‘Apple,’ or it just looks like a food item like ‘Lettice,’ we want parents to actually give their kids a chance in the world, and we feel like this new app will only benefit children.”

Caldwell says the long term residual affects will help Apple’s stock in the long term.

“If just one child is saved from their parents naming them ‘Quiche,’ then we’ll consider it a victory for Apple.”

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