REPORT: Man with Stage Fright Has Been At Urinal for 8 Minutes

stage frightCleveland, Ohio — Jimmy Jordan, 23 of Cleveland suffers from a common affliction called “stage fright.” Jordan says he has a difficult time urinating while there are other people around, and even more so if he feels pressure to “pee quickly” while others wait on him.

“I don’t know what it is. I know I’m not in any danger,” said Jordan. “But when the pressure’s on, I can’t get Little Jimmy to get a flow going.”

Jordan has been at the urinal for upwards of 8 minutes, while trying to pee. He says he probably won’t be able to go until the chaos behind him stops.

“Do you hear what’s going on behind me? It sounds like someone’s giving birth in a metal factory. How is someone supposed to go with that kind of ruckus.”

Jordan said the added pressure of people yelling at him hasn’t helped his cause.

“People start out really understanding, and polite, but it only takes one asshole to turn the crowd against you.”

The asshole, in this case, is 28-year-old Lewis Jackson, who has had no less than ten drinks, and “has to get his leak on.”

“Just go!” Jackson yells at Jordan, while standing in line. “I don’t get it. You just whip it out and pee!”

Jordan became visibly upset at this point.

“Believe me, the one person who most wants to pee in this bathroom is me. I just can’t,” said Jordan while fighting back tears.

At the nine minute mark, Jordan was able to trickle out a little urine. The line behind him started to cheer, but according to Jordan, it was a “false alarm.”

After being called a plethora of hateful names, Jordan eventually gave up and returned to his table, still filled with pee.

“Sometimes I feel like I need to see a psychologist about it,” said Jordan while crossing his legs.

 

*************************UPDATE*****************************************

After drinking 6 beers, Jordan confidently walked into the bathroom, whipped out his man junk and unloaded a canon-fire of urine. Mid-stream, Jordan turned to the patron next to him and said, “Take a look at my huge wang.” After peeing, Jordan walked out of the bathroom without washing his hands, stating “If Ebola really wants me, it knows where it can find me.”

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