“Am I a hero? Most definitely, yes. I consider myself the hero of Chicago. Would many people have been able to do what I did this weekend? I don’t know, because I rescued that kitten and no one else did. So I could have been the only person in the world to accomplish that feat.”
Farmer said he was having a typical Sunday, and was about to go to his local Subway for a meatball sub, when he heard the faintest meowing coming from a nearby tree.
“That’s when I knew it was my time to shine. I’d been waiting for this all my life. I knew that if I rescued that kitten, everyone would know who Jake Farmer was. They wouldn’t say ‘Jake Farmer? Oh he’s that guy who fixes our copier.’ No, instead they would say, ‘Jake Farmer, now that guy’s a hero.'”
Unfortunately for Farmer, many people have shared disdain for the way he’s acted since his kitten heroics.
“He climbed a seven foot tree. Honestly, he probably didn’t even need to climb it to get that kitten.” Said Lori Hendrick, who observed Farmer as he rescued the Kitten. “Honestly, I didn’t even watch. I was just throwing some trash away and happened to look up.”
Others echoed Hendrick’s sentiment, “That guy’s a dick,” said Steve Sutton. “Seriously, I live across from him, and he’s always yelling at a foreign family who lives in our building for ‘cluttering up the hallway.’ He’s just a regular A**h***.”
Farmer said he has big plans for his future.
“It’s about time Chicago had a hero like Jake Farmer,” said Farmer, referring to himself in the third person. “Sometimes I wonder how this city would even get by without me.”