VENICE BEACH, CA — It was announced today that the photography app, Snapchat, was hacked and thousands of private photos have potentially been accessed, with the threat of being released. While many are concerned about private nude photos being leaked. Some are concerned at the amount of “fecal photographs,” that may make their way to the internet.
“Sure there are hundreds of nude photos that have been Snapchatted since it’s inception,” said Snapchat spokesmen Kendra Paxton, “but what people don’t realize is that there are thousands upon thousands of pictures of poo that could potentially clog the internet.”
Paxton said for every landscape or a selfie that gets sent through Snapchat, there are at least five pictures of poo.
“Ever since I started at Snapchat, I’ve been begging them to either have a ‘no poo’ policy, or rename the company to accurately reflect what people are about to subject themselves to,” said Paxton.
Paxton said she doesn’t know what drives people to take pictures of their feces, but that she’s “seen every type of dump-nugget you could possibly imagine.”
“It’s literally all the time; when people wake up: poop pic. When people are at work: poop pic. When it is the dead of night and people should be sleeping: poop pic. People are worried about nudes? I’m more worried about the state of a human population that is, quite frankly, obsessed with their dookie.”