INDIANAPOLIS, IN – Last week 27-year-old, Jacob Reynolds, went into his local grocery store to pick up a box of condoms. As he was approaching the checkout line, his regular grocery visit turned into what he describes as an “awkward fiasco.”
“I was approached by my girlfriend’s mother,” said Reynolds. “I tried to hide my grocery basket behind my back, but in the middle of our conversation she asked what I was buying. I tried to tell her I was just getting the usual items, but she peered around and saw the box of Trojan “Ecstacy” condoms. We didn’t speak for what seemed like an eternity before I started walking away quickly, saying, “well, we’ll see ya!” She just stood there looking disappointed.”
Reynolds said his awkward encounter continued at the cash register.
“After the cashier scanned my box of condoms, he said, ‘That’ll be $14 dollars for the lucky guy!’ and gave me a slow wink.”
Since his encounter Reynolds has made sure that he never buys only condoms when he goes to the grocery store.
“I started buying some cheap snack food and fruit that I can put on top of the condoms to hide them. I also try to go to the self checkout whenever possible. If I can’t, then I make sure I put the condoms directly in front of a weird produce item like a Starfruit or Sugar Cane, so that the focus is on the strange food and not my sex life.”
Reynolds said that while he has accumulated an excess of bizarre produce items because of his new condom buying strategy, his mental state has dramatically improved.
“I’ll go buy condoms at noon on a Sunday after church,” Reynolds bragged. “That’s how confident I am in my new strategy.”