Barack Obama Says Presidency is The Best Weight Loss Program Ever

obama weight lossWASHINGTON, D.C. — President Barack Obama today announced that of all the weight loss programs he’s tried, being president is far away and the most effective.

“Jenny Craig, Weight Watchers, hell, even diet supplements can’t hold a flame to being President.”

President Obama has said the recent stress of being president has caused his weight to dramatically drop.

“When I entered office back in 2008, I was pushing 200 lbs, and while I looked good, I wasn’t too proud to take my shirt off. After trying to figure out Tea Party Republicans, the problems in the Middle East, our Immigration policies, and dealing with a miserable approval rating, I can proudly say  that I have lost upwards of 50-60 lbs without even trying,” said President Obama.

President Obama said that while he now has to deal with gray hair, and he can’t keep his right hand from shaking, he feels great anytime he visits a pool.

“And don’t even get me started on my sleep patterns,” said the President. “Michelle can attest, I use to sleep until lunch time. But with my new nighttime terrors — thanks ISIS — you won’t find me getting more than 4-5 hours of sleep, max.”

President Obama says after his presidency is over he intends to try and stay on his presidential weight plan, but doesn’t think it will compare to having both Republicans and Democrats second guessing every move he makes.

“I have a feeling that when I end my presidency, I will probably put some pounds back on, but hopefully with Sasha and Malia entering their teen and college years, I will have just enough pressure to keep me from falling into my old, stress-free ways.”

The President then offered a new, personal motto:

“Can I keep my weight down? Yes. I. Can.”

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