Fantasy Football Returns to Ruin Families’ Lives

Fantasy FootballBIRMINGHAM, AL — This past weekend saw the return of NFL games, and with it, the excitement that has exploded in large part due to the increasing popularity of fantasy football. Now, instead of rooting for a favorite team, fans can root for single players to succeed, while simultaneously rooting for other players to  gruesomely blow out their knees, ending their seasons.

Local man Todd Stevens has marked 2014 as his year to win his annual fantasy football league. After studying meticulously during his workday, and spending more time following fantasy analysts on Twitter than with his wife and family, he says that he is in prime position to win this year.

“2014 is the year of Todd,” said Stevens. “Nothing can go wrong. I had the first pick in this years draft, and you better believe that ‘The Fighting Todds’ are out for blood.”

Stevens said after going 2-11 in his league last year, he has changed his preseason routine.

“I usually head into work around 5:30 am, my work actually starts at 9:00, but I want to make sure that I put in a lot of time getting up to date news on the latest fantasy scoop, and making all sorts of lineup variations. From 9:00-9:30 I put in a good solid half hour worth of work, and the rest of the day I’m on ESPN or talking to my framed portrait of fantasy football expert, Matthew Berry, that I keep on my desk.”

Stevens said that when he arrives home from work, he puts his kids to bed promptly at 6:00 pm, saying “Daddy can’t play right now, he has more important things to do.”

“I’ve told him multiple times that he is letting a game not only interfere with his work life, but also with his family,” said Stevens’ wife Kristi. “He barely sees his kids and hasn’t been intimate with me since the NFL Draft in May.”

Kristi has reportedly told Todd recently that if he doesn’t curb his new lifestyle that she will take the kids and leave him.

“I hoped that would hit Todd pretty hard, but he didn’t even flinch. Then I realized he wasn’t listening to me. He had his head phones in and was listening to a fantasy football Podcast with Matthew Berry.”


One thought on “Fantasy Football Returns to Ruin Families’ Lives

  1. Ah ha ha…I love it, and it’s true. In November, brothers who won’t have seen each other for a month or more will convene at my laden table, and they will ask each other who they voted for this week, and then last, and then..
    The fact that one of them actually WON the fantasy basketball competition a few years ago (got a PS-3 in the mail) has only intensified the situation.
    On the other hand, it’s a lot better than having your relatives get together over the holiday to quarrel and become estranged.


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