Man Cancels Amazon Account After Daily Deals Become Too Personal

Amazon_logoGREENSBORO, N.C. – Local man, Walt Jenkins, has made recent claims that Amazon, the world’s largest online marketplace, has gotten to know him a little too well.

“I have an account on Amazon, and receive emails with daily deals,” said Jenkins. “At first, the recommendations were pretty standard – eight dollar Blu-rays, best-selling books, miscellaneous electronics.”

“But then they started sending local deals based on my address. Discounts at local restaurants, massage centers, and nearby getaways,” Jenkins explained. “Still, I found these pretty convenient and useful.”

According to Jenkins, the personalization didn’t stop there, though.

“Out of nowhere, the recommendations became oddly accurate,” said Jenkins. “For instance, I was telling my mom on the phone that I should start doing yoga, and the next day, Amazon recommended yoga mats and instructional DVDs.”

“A week later, I went to the doctor to get, well, a hemorrhoid looked at, and wouldn’t you know, Amazon sends me a deal on hemorrhoid pillows,” said Jenkins, frustrated. “I did end up buying a pillow, because the deal was pretty good.”

Jenkins explained that it was not only the recommendations that started getting personal, either.

“All of the emails start off with ‘Get deals tailored just for you,’ but lately they’ve added a winky-face emoticon.”

For Jenkins, the final straw came last week. “The deals seemed to be getting less personal, as if they knew I was on to them,” said Jenkins. “Then, they sent me a deal on ‘What to Expect When You’re Expecting’ books. I didn’t even know my wife was pregnant! Somehow, Amazon did.”

Jenkins has since deleted his Amazon account, and now lives in a constant state of fear and paranoia.

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4 thoughts on “Man Cancels Amazon Account After Daily Deals Become Too Personal

  1. When I was a young radical in the early ’70s, there were actual FBI agents that would follow us around, tap our phones, etc. This was for legal activity that was unfriendly to the Nixon admin. To me, it is a breath of fresh air to be tracked by a computer. All a matter of perspective…

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