The Bachelorette Finale

Andi bachelorette

Source: ABC

The Bachelorette wrapped up last night, and oh what a season it was. There were Hy’s (I went there) and lows and everything in between. In the end Andi picked the former professional baseball player, Josh, to be her future former husband. Last night was not without its hiccups though, as we saw Nick’s crazy side come out — especially in the post-show ceremony — but we will get to that after the episode recap:

Last night’s episode saw both Nick and Josh meeting Andi’s parents, and more specifically asking Andi’s father, Hy — yes, his name is Hy — for permission to marry Andi. Now for those of us who watched Juan Pablo’s dismal season, we got to see Andi’s father play the role of the “hard-ass, he might be in the mafia,” parent, and I expected no less from Hy this season. However, what occurred to me at about the time that Josh was sweating through his unbuttoned shirt, was that Hy freaking loves this show. The guy is like TNT: he just knows drama. Anytime one of Andi’s men walked through the door, Hy did his best to scare the hell out of them, then reaffirmed his suspicions in a confessional, and just when we thought papa Dorfman was about to give them the ax, he goes and says he loves them and would be happy to call either one of them his son in law. Let me just recap this: Hy provided plot, conflict, climax, and resolution twice within the first hour of the show. I can think of a few television shows that should hire him as a consultant — coughTheLeftoverscough.

Hy Bachelorette

The Godfather himself.
Source: ABC

Other than Nick being painfully nervous and skittish, not a whole lot happened when the boys met the Dorfmans. I was slightly concerned that Andi’s sister couldn’t speak at one point, but a simple “mhm,” and head nod confirmed that she did in fact have vocal cords.

Josh’s date went off without a hitch, and you kind of got a feel for who Andi was going to pick when they were laughing at dinner — seemingly at nothing — for a good five minutes (ah, the simple life). By the time it was Nick’s turn for a date, the door was all but shut for the Chicagoan. Maybe it was the remote location for their date — where no one could hear you scream — or maybe it was Nick’s quiet demeanor, but the more airtime Nick got, the more I thought he had murder in his eyes.

Josh bachelorette

Source: ABC

After the date it was time for both men to get ready to either get on one knee or get sent home. While Josh had the pleasure of picking out a ring, Nick got the unfortunate “house call” from Andi. After Andi sent a few daggers straight into Nick — the worst of which being her telling Nick that she liked what she had with Josh more than with Nick — Nick got up and lef…wait no, he sat there and continued to babel about their relationship for at least twenty minutes. I’ve said it before, but ending a 10 week relationship, where you know the person you “love” is also seriously dating and/or sleeping with a bunch of other guys should not elicit the “you’ve ruined my world” emotion.

After Nick finally said goodbye. Josh put on his super tiny suit, and made his way to propose to Andi, after saying  “babe” to each other no less than eight times in a three minute span, they sat by the sunset and lived happily ever afNOT SO FAST! Nick is back in the picture and acting creepier than ever.

Nick bachelorette

Source: ABC

Apparently — much to the pleasure of Chris Harrison — Nick has been seething over losing Andi, and wanted to talk to her again, so of course it only makes sense for ABC to allow a one-on-one conversation between Andi and the guy who she’s been denying for the past few weeks. What on earth could go wrong? How about Nick bringing up fantasy suite sex, saying things like “I mean, that was some fiance type stuff,” which I will let the readers mind deduce that means. In the end, Nick came off as super creepy, and Andi basically lawyered him after he accused her of using sex as a weapon. The end of the show confirmed my suspicions of Chris Harrison’s feelings toward Andi, after he told her, “I love you so much.” Bold move Chris. Bold. Move.

ABC should be paying me for what I’m about to say, but my biggest takeaway from last night is how damn happy I am that ABC decided to sit down and say, “Guys, we have had some nut-bags on this show. I’m talking some clinically insane people who are easily angered, sexually deviant and manipulative, and also have attachment issues. Is there a way we can get all those people together in an isolated environment, fuck with their minds, and just watch what happens?” The answer is yes, and I couldn’t be more thrilled that Bachelor In Paradise begins next Monday. And here I thought I was going to have to start writing NCIS recaps…





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