Patagonia Unveils New “Raincoat”

raincoatVENTURE, CA  — Today Patagonia released a new product, simply called, “Raincoat.” This comes after customers complained that they didn’t know which product to buy when looking for a jacket that just repels rain.

“Everything they have is water resistant,” said customer, Judy Lundquist, “I just need a raincoat. I didn’t know whether I should buy a Houdini, or a Torrentshell, or Migration Hemp Hoody. They all seem like they would do the trick.”

Lundquist said she ended up buying four jackets because she didn’t know which one would fit her needs. However, upon a delivery she realized she bought three pullover fleeces.

“I just got so excited with their 50% off sale, that I figured one of my items had to be a raincoat.”

Patagonia’s CEO released a recent statement saying, “We realize some of our products have ambiguous names like, ‘First Sun Jacket,’ and ‘Piten Hybrid Jacket,’ so we decided to release our new “Raincoat,” for those looking for a jacket to just stay dry.”

Patagonia also said that under the “Raincoat’s” features, it will only list ‘THIS WILL KEEP YOU DRY WHEN IT’S RAINING,” in all capital letters.

Lundquist said she’s thrilled with Patagonia’s simplification of their new raincoat, and said she expects to spend no less than $700 at the outdoor retailer in the next three days.

 

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