SPORTS: Ohio State Marching Band Faces Post Season Ban Following “Sex Culture” Investigation

Ohio State Marching BandCOLUMBUS, OH — In a recent announcement from the NCAA, The Ohio State University Marching Band has been banned from post season play. The news comes following a sex culture scandal involving many of the band members and tolerated by the recently fired director.

Band members have expressed their disappointment following the announcement, “This was supposed to be our year,” said Kieth Gaines, who is plays first Tuba, “We had so many veteran players. After our 2013 season, we felt like we had the momentum to make 2014 something really special, and maybe make a run deep into the playoffs.”

Others echoed Gaines’ sentiment.

“We were the squad that made a horse literally move across the field while playing the Legend of Zelda theme song,” said trumpeter, Jane Harmon,” No one could hold a flame to us. We were the team to beat. 2014 was supposed to be our time.”

With the postseason ban and other possible sanctions, band members are left feeling lost. Harmon said the band had big plans for the season including a demonstration of birth of our solar system, the resurrection of Christ, and a full rendition of the 146 minute, Hunger Games: Catching Fire.

We asked some members of the student body what they thought about the whole “sexual culture” that has proliferated among the band squad.

Sophomore Steven Saunders said, “I’m just glad they don’t investigate what goes on at O Patio on a Saturday night. Let’s just say you see a lot of ‘sugar bushes.'”

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