ESPN Apologizes for Documentary Titled, “Beating The Beaver”

The Beaver

Elward “The Beaver” Nelson was a legend in his time

BRISTOL, CT — Public Relations officials from ESPN, the worldwide leader in sports, apologized today for the title of the newest release in their 30 for 30 series. A popular series of sports documentaries, 30 for 30 has told the inside stories of sports icons and public figures ranging from Wayne Gretsky, Nelson Mandela, to the Fab Five.

Their latest release, however, has caused some controversy over its title. “Beating The Beaver” is a narrative about a 1940s race car driver, Elward “The Beaver” Nelson, who earned his nickname from his signature tire tread resembling a beaver’s tail, along with his outrageous buck teeth.

“It’s a great story,” said production assistant, Steve Shriver, “The Beaver was unbeatable back in the 40s. He was synonymous with winning. It wasn’t until  Bob “The Knuckle” Rogers (named for how hard he gripped the wheel) came onto the scene that anyone even thought of beating the Beaver.”

ESPN made a few choice errors in quotations surrounding the narrative including, “The Beaver was a little rough around the edges,” “He almost never showered, and rarely opened up to anyone during his career,” and “the Beaver was the first to start the champagne celebration. After a win, he would grab a bottle, shake it, and squirt everywhere. The crowd loved it.”

The most egregious oversight was the description of the breaking point between the Knuckle and the Beaver’s heated rivalry.

“The Knuckle was deep inside the Beaver’s track, when the Beaver pulled off a move not yet seen in the racing community. ‘The Beaver pulled back behind The Knuckle, and got right on his ass,’ says interviewee, Bill Thompson, ‘Then, without any provocation, the Beaver started bumping the Knuckle from behind. Finally both the Knuckle and The Beaver lost control and ended up ramming into each other in front of thousands of spectators.'”

ESPN has since issued a statement saying, “Although the story of the Beaver and the Knuckle is iconic in racing lore, we have decided to go in a different direction for the sake of our viewers. The Beaver and the Knuckle went at it during a time when America needed two heroes, and they both deserve to have their story told.”


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s