Week 8 is in the books, and what a snorefest it was. Had I known that so little happens in the DR, I wouldn’t have been so jealous of my friends taking spring break trips there. This week were the dates with the fantasy suites on the line, where the final three contestants get an option to get inside Andi…’s room and spend the night with her, where no camera’s are allowed — meow!
As previously mentioned, this week’s dates took Andi and her three men to the Dominican Republic, which I can only assume meant that the producers decided to ditch the lucrative islands of Belize and Bora Bora, to go with a more “down to earth” destination, where rum is a little cheaper.
Andi’s first date was with Nick, where they took…wait for it…a helicopter ride. Andi would not let Nick forget “how cute it was,” that it was his first time on a helicopter saying, “I can’t believe this is your first helicopter ride,” no less than three times. Call me crazy, but I don’t think Andi has any room to be on a high horse when it comes to riding in a helicopter. If Juan Pablo had not found her mouth irresistible, and instead, had cut her in the first few rounds, I think there is little chance that she would be a helicopter expert. Maybe smug Nick should be with smug Andi.
After landing on their own private island, viewers got to see Nick and Andi do adult stuff in the ocean, which featured a plethora of shots including views from a camera on a boat, a camera on the land, and a camera on a helicopter hovering right above them — talk about production value! Nick then talked about his feelings, and at dinner gave Andi a book, that looked to be illustrated by a twelve-year-old, but like, a twelve-year-old with artistic talent. Andi gave Nick the key to her va…cation island suite– with Chris Harrison’s blessing of course — and Nick obviously obliged.
Josh’s date followed Nick’s, and once again, not much happened. Andi and Josh perused the town of Santa Domingo, and Josh drank some natural male enhancer? Thank goodness Andi isn’t fluent in Spanish. After a rousing game of stick ball, Andi and Josh made their way to Casa De Campo, where Josh told Andi in eloquent style, “I feel stuff for you.” He’s a real orator. Josh also got Chris Harrison’s blessing to spend some time in Andi’s pink…curtained, suite.
Chris had the final date, and let me just premise by asking how much would it suck to be the third guy on these fantasy suite dates? I mean if you actually do make it to the final three, you have to go through the date knowing that your future ex-wife/ex-fiance has just been soiled by two other dudes. Let’s say by some miracle you actually do get married and have kids and you have to explain to your children that you “knew your wife was the one for you, right after she spent the night with two other dudes.” Andi’s date with Chris was painful in so many ways: She picked to go to a DR farm, I can only assume because that’s all she knows about Chris. Then Chris daintily ran off — a phrase I never thought I would write — to play a game of hide and seek with Andi. At the end of the date Andi decided that Chris was not the man for her, which prompted Chris to try one more desperation, “I love you,” but alas, he went home. For a second though, I would like to salute Chris for having a stand-up exit. He didn’t get overly emotional, he said what needed to be said, and was just that overall good guy that we’ve come to know and love. Here’s to hoping he’s the next bachelor.
Barring Andi sporting baby bump, I’m not writing about the “Men Tell All,” because, well, nothing really happens. Here’s to hoping Andi’s father provides some much needed entertainment in two weeks.