Four-Year-Old Argues That He’s Mature Enough To Light Fireworks

fire worksCHATTANOOGA, TN — The Fourth of July is a great American holiday, known for bringing family together, sharing some laughs and lighting off some celebratory fireworks. For the Gutwall family, their Fourth of July is rich with tradition. Jim Gutwall and his family always have a great time with their extended family. This summer though, Jim faces a new dilemma, his four-year-old, Tommy.

Tommy has been at odds with his parents the past few weeks on whether or not he’s old enough to light fireworks by himself. His rational parents have given a resounding “no” to Tommy’s question of “Can I light fireworks this year?” But that hasn’t stopped Tommy from throwing temper tantrum after temper tantrum to try and get his way.

“I just really wanna this year,” said little Tommy while sucking on red white and blue lollipop. “It’s not fair, I’m four!” Tommy said, while holding up four fingers.

Tommy said he thinks his parents are “stupid for not letting him play with matches,” and that he’s matured a lot since three years old. “I’ve got a whole year of preschool under my belt.” said Tommy while pointing to his 16 inch Power Ranger belt. “I just wish they’d let me do what I want.”

We asked Tommy what his favorite fireworks are and he said, “The kind that when you light it, it spins and then it goes up and it makes a noise like ‘zzzzzzzzZZZZZZZ.”” Tommy explained while spinning in a circle with his arms out.

Tommy said that if his parents don’t let him light fireworks this year, then he’s going to do the mature thing and defecate in his pull-ups. Tommy then began to cry after his mom wouldn’t let him peel his own banana.

“Everyone talks about the ‘terrible twos'” said Tommy’s dad, Jim, “but no one tells you how rough four-year-olds are. I’m just saying, Tommy is mean, and he can articulate his thoughts. One day he told me that his mom should’ve married a real man. I took that one to bed with me.”

Here’s to hoping everyone has a better Fourth of July than the Gutwalls.



3 thoughts on “Four-Year-Old Argues That He’s Mature Enough To Light Fireworks

  1. You are one funny writer! I would have said ‘one funny guy’ or one funny gal’ but without the proper knowledge of who and what you are, that could fall flat. Keep up the tongue in cheek stuff. It’s great.


  2. Such a funny article and Tommy seems like a great kid.
    If my son told me that he wanted to light the fireworks this year and he was only 5 years old I’d let him go ahead and dirty up his dipper lol
    Keep up the writing!

    I also have a blog if your interested in checking it out.
    Find the coolest and newest stuff from across the internet.
    We find the deals and share them with you!
    From 10% to 80% off select items.


  3. The fact that we are encouraging children to play with fire here really offends me. Fire is very dangerous and we should not i repeat should not be letting children “play” with it.

    I am very offended by this careless opinion


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s