ASHEVILLE, NC — Derek Loy has been living the hipster lifestyle for the past two years, but after his bank account began to dwindle, he reverted to mainstream customs.
“I tried my best,” said Loy, “I really did. I was juicing regularly, eating local and organic, and was doing my best to only drink craft beer. Unfortunately, my bank account just couldn’t handle hipster living.”
Loy said the added stress on his bank account caused him to revert to a more conventional lifestyle, that he enjoyed in his pre-hipster years.
“All the stuff I was doing was great. Kale salads and IPA’s are delicious, but you know what’s also fantastic: cheap stuff. Bud light, frozen chicken and pizza, Coke. Was I saving a lot of money on clothes? Absolutely. I mean, I was buying stuff from thrift stores that homeless people probably wouldn’t wear. And, because I rarely showered, my water bill had never been lower, but those discounts pale in comparison to the money I save when I go to Kroger and buy a half gallon tub of ice cream, instead of chive and lentil flavored froyo from Whole Foods Market.”
Loy said he also has enjoyed hobbies that he wasn’t able to partake in the past two years including playing golf, and being able to talk about football with friends, as well as cleanly shaving his face.
“Do I miss hanging out at a brewery, drinking with a scarf on and talking about Radiohead tattoos? Actually, no. No I don’t. I’m finally free to go to a Buffalo Wild Wings and watch sports on Sunday, while drinking a giant Budweiser.” said Loy ecstatically. “The ironic thing is if I didn’t make this change, I would have been close to living out of my van, which would have made me a god among hipsters.”
After his profound endorsement of his common lifestyle, Loy proceeded to dip a corndog in chili and said, “This is the best I’ve felt in years.”
Very funny! Well written. I liked it!
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That is. In a word. HILARIOUS!
Wait, if you eat kale & froyo for “health reasons” are you still a hipster?? I’ve got some analysis to do…
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Loved this when I first read it. So glad to see it on Freshly Pressed. Congrats!
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Hilarious! Don’t take yourselves so seriously people….
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Reblogged this on rachelmac20 and commented:
One of the most perfect blog entries ever, depicts the over-populated hipster world we now live in brilliantly; good effort!
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Am lovin’ your fake news post, and now I finally know what a hipster is too!
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Awesome. It parallels being hipster to having a controlling girlfriend. Lol
Great post!
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Fantastic post. Keep up the good work–I need more humour.
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Fricking hilarious!!
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This is hilarious! One might say that ‘mainstream’ is the new ‘hipster’…
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Love this!!!
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This is absolutely hilarious!
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Great post.
https://randomplethora.wordpress.com/
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I love this. Finally someone brought light to the expense alternative to our less expensive mainstream.
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Reblogged this on Reagan Revived and commented:
This is hilarious
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Dope!
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oh my god ,this is hilarious!
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So hilarious and genius
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“drinking with a scarf on” -laugh of the day. please post a photo with said scarf on.
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Reblogged this on The Reference Section and commented:
imagine if you can, a world without trends.
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Reblogged this on Zaiden Lee and commented:
Hilarious!
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I hated hipsters before it was cool to hate them… Wait does that make me one? #fml
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Reblogged this on I'm Beach Leary and commented:
Hilarious read!
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First of all I have to say these commenters are taking the post far to seriously. Everyone needs to lighten up a little.
I loved the post! I was cracking up the whole time. However, I thought it was appropriate to also share a post I did on hipsters because I actually hate the word itself:
http://anolivedaily.com/2014/04/05/hipster-baby-on-board/
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Loved this, and can’t wait to read the rest of your blog!
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awesome! I am officially going to Buffalo Wilds Wings for lunch today to enjoy some sports and a tall Bud
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Reblogged this on Apps Lotus's Blog.
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Tough times being forced to conform hey. haha
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I love this, it’s hilarious! Smiled the whole time reading it.
Thanks
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This is too funny
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Hahahahaha this is awesome.
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What a creative way to write a post!
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Cheers for you. I don’t think I’d like the hipster life at all.
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So funny and so true.
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Reblogged this on amberluong.
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Chive and lentil ice cream – gimme! *Gags* Brilliant post! Have shared with hipster friends around the globe, oops lol
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Fantastic. not only like but also love this 🙂
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Wear the hat that makes you happy..
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Reblogged this on cmcgovney.
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I can’t stop laughing
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Shell art is over!
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LMAO. Can’t stand hipsters. I’ve always wondered how they afford to shop at Whole Foods. Now i get it, they shop for their wardrobe at Goodwill. Makes sense. i would never make that sacrifice. Thanks for the laugh!
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What’s with these comments? Doesn’t anyone have a sense of humor anymore?
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Another moustached man, tossed back in the system. I’ll drink a PhoeBeR in your name Mr. Loy. Good luck in there.
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Pingback: Hipster Finds Lifestyle Too Expensive, Reverts Back to Mainstream | Conedogers
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Reblogged this on rabbits & foxes.
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