Soccer Player Has Been Fragile His Entire Life

fragile soccer playerST LOUIS, MO — James Osborne has been playing soccer all of his life. He started at the tender age of 16, and has continued to play through college. Though soccer was not his first choice in terms of sports he wanted to play, Osborne found that it was the only sport that he actually could play, due to his fragile nature.

“James was always a fragile boy, both physically and emotionally.” Said James’ mother, Jane Osborne. “He always wanted to try out new sports but he always wound up on the ground crying, that’s how we came to put James on a soccer team.”

Jane Osborne said that it was evident from the start that James would have a rough road ahead of him.

“One time James was playing a pee-wee football game and blocked a kick — he was always very fast. Everyone was celebrating, but there James was, crying on the ground after the ball hit him in the helmet. I don’t know if the surprise of the football sent his fragile emotions spiraling out of control, or if the impact of the ball sent his flimsy head backwards enough to cause a mild discomfort, but regardless he had to be carted off the field.” said his mother.

Jane Osborne said that James’ path to soccer was long and arduous. “We tried everything. Obviously football didn’t work. He tried basketball next but every time someone passed him the ball, it would knock him off his feet. Then we tried golf when he was about 14, but the impact of hitting the ball would make him cry. I actually think he’s the first player ever to get carted off a golf course because of an injury.” said Osborne. “One night my husband and I were watching a soccer game on television and saw how often those players end up writhing on the ground, and we thought, ‘That looks just like James!’ The next day we signed him up and haven’t looked back since.”

It didn’t take long for James to get a handle on soccer. He eventually lead his team to a state championship and turned the heads of some college coaches. “James had everything we look for in a soccer player: speed, foot-skills, the ability to make the slightest contact look like felonious assault. ” said Kansas Tech head coach, Thomas Sark. “Players like James come around once in a lifetime, I’ve never seen someone draw so many yellow and red cards at the slightest of impacts. One time I saw him draw a foul after he tripped over his own feet trying to kick a ball. This kid was made for soccer.” said Sark.

We tried to reach James for comment but we found him rolling on the ground in pain, after stubbing his toe on a door frame.

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