Local Man Has New Tupperware Conundrum

to-go containerPHOENIX, AZ — Styrofoam to go boxes used to be the exclusive way to take your food home. If you didn’t finish your meal, you’d ask for a box, take home your left overs, eat them while watching reruns of Dawson’s Creek and throw away the box. Recently though, there has been a new craze among restaurants, and carry-outs alike: Dishwasher safe, black Tupperware, to-go containers, and it has one man piping mad.

Larry Woods has been going to “Fetticino Mangino” — which has no Italian translation — for lunch everyday since 1998. Among his favorites are a chicken pasta with red sauce and a chicken pasta with white sauce. Recently though, Woods has had a problem with Fetticino, saying that their new tupperware to-go boxes are taking up to much room in his house. “It’s insane, I probably have upwards of 300 Tupperware containers.” said Woods, “Every time I eat there, I get a new Tupperware container, even if I tell them not to give me one. They hand these things out like Skittles!”

When asked why he keeps the free Tupperware, Woods said, “It’s free Tupperware that’s machine washable. If I wanted to burn money I would’ve called Turkey.” said Woods. “I’ve tried asking them to put my food in Tupperware that they’ve already given me, but they say it’s a health hazard. One time they even gave me an extra by mistake, and I tried to give it back but they said, ‘This one’s on us,” winked, and handed me the lid, as if they were doing me a favor.” said Woods.

“I don’t know how much more I can take. My wife has threatened me multiple times saying, ‘It’s either me or the Tupperware, Larry!’ I just don’t know how much more I can take. I’ve thought about buying a storage unit, and keeping all my Tupperware in there, or even trying to tie them all together and make my own island like that crazy guy in Mexico.”

“If I don’t think of something fast, I’m afraid I’m going to lose everything,” said Woods, who ironically, has the perfect place to store everything. “The worst case scenario is that I abandon Fetticino Mangino and start eating Mark Pi’s.”

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