And thus concludes a bizarre, mid-season, two-night special. Men played women’s basketball, Marcus indeed “Mosby’d,” and we said goodbye to both Eric and Chaco in a weird fashion.
The episode started with “I perpetually have my head cocked to one side,” Dylan getting his one-on-one date. Andi and Dylan rode a steam train to all the way to pun city. It’s interesting how much control post-production has on whether or not a date is awkward just by putting in some background music. Especially with Dylan’s back story it was like a composer was saying, “Wait for it. Wait for it. He’s gonna start talking about his family annnnd there it is. Queue the soft cello and dramatic piano….and.we.nailed it. Way to go gang!” Andi also came up with a new term: “The pity rose.” Which I’m assuming is a rose given to a contestant after they bring up a sob story and the Bachelor/ette would look like a total dick if they didn’t give them a rose. I think by saying “This isn’t a pity rose,” instead of Andi just giving a rose, put the thought in at least a few people’s head that it in fact was a pity rose.
Meanwhile back in the brotel, the second date card came. Cody did the honors of reading the names and boy, did he sound like a third grader reading “The Giver” in front of the class. The group date featured a bunch of the guys playing against WNBA all-stars, which is great because it’s probably the most viewership that has ever been associated with the WNBA. To their credit though, the WNBA team dominated the guys to the tune of 30-6, which coincidentally looks like a women’s basketball score.
After the men vs women game, the guys split up and played a game where the winner would get more time with Andi, and the loser would have to go home. This was a great date for Coach Brian, as he really showed his knowledge of X’s and O’s and how to not pass the basketball.
When the final buzzer sounded, some mass drama was produced. I mean we’re talking Schindler’s List meets a 30-for-30 about apartheid. Except that it was a bunch of dudes moping around because they lost a pretty meaningless game. I will give points for the losing team wallowing while drinking beers in the locker room though. If you can’t be with Andi, at least you can share a light beer — we sure have come a long way from orange slices. As the date continued people cheesed around, and Brian hit a pretty sweet half court shot, that I will choose to believe happened on the first try. Also well done Brian for making Andi’s layup seem like she just hit a buzzer-beater to win a game 6.
The next date was Marcus’ one-on-one, and not to toot my own horn, but I called him being the one who would Mosby Andie, and he did not disappoint. First though, Andi and Marcus repelled down their hotel. My favorite part of this was Marcus saying, “Don’t look down, look at me,” as he was 15 feet below her. After their date, they saw yet another no-name band, and acted like they couldn’t believe they were seeing said band live. And then Marcus dropped the timeless words, “I think I’m falling in love with you.” One date Marcus, you’ve been on one date with this girl, not including the time you shared with her with like 12 other dudes. If he doesn’t win, someone better put him in a room with Bradley and keep them on 24 hour watch.
Cocktail party quick slants: Let’s be honest, aside from Chaco getting cut off after what sounded like a coming-out conversation, the biggest thing to come out was the Eric-Andi fight. I’m going to go out on a limb and say Andi had a few too many wine spritzers while head-locking Marquel, because unless Eric struck some kind of nerve by calling her a “Hollywood actress,” than she completely over-reacted to a simple concern that Eric had. After Eric left, Chris and Andi came on to say a few words about Eric and “clear the air” about him leaving. I thought the whole thing was rather bizarre, and then Chris — without even a nod to a “spoiler alert” — said that Andi said goodbye to Chaco’s.
In two weeks it looks like things heat up between Marquel and Andrew, which I can only imagine is because Andrew dropped a racial slur, because that seems to fit his snide personality.