Man With Lighter App Struggles to Make Friends

Lighter AppBUCYRUS, OHIO – Mickey Poorman told us that after years of using his smartphone “lighter app,” that he still struggles to make friends.

“I thought this thing would turn my life around. I mean look at it!” Said Poorman while turning on his fake lighter, and waving his phone around. Apparently the lighter app has caused more harm than good, as Mickey routinely gets ridiculed, being called names like, “tool boy,” “that freak show with a fake lighter,” and “Mickey the flamer.”

Mickey said he tries the same routine every weekend: He goes to the local bar and waits outside for local patrons to take a smoke break. When someone asks for a lighter, Mickey strolls right up and says, “Sure do!” pulls out his smartphone and opens his lighter app, while grinning like the idiot he would appear to be. “People typically respond with a heavy sigh on a good day. On bad days I’ve had a brick thrown at my face,” said Mickey, “That wasn’t fun.”

When asked why he hasn’t changed his process of making friends Mickey said, “I don’t know what’s not to love. I mean it’s a lighter…on your phone! The jokes practically light themselves!” Mickey said laughing to himself. “I would think more people would want to call old Mickey Poorman a friend.” He said referring to himself in the third person.

When asked if he uses his smartphone lighter in any other venue, he replied, “Oh yeah! Nothing livens up a Daughtry concert like my smartphone lighter waving in the air. The band loves it.”

Mickey said the lighter is his “go to” app, but his other favorites include the Lightsaber app, the Koi Pond app, and Tinder, where he said he’s “hoping to meet someone who shares my affinity for kick-ass smartphone apps.”

 

 

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