Macy’s Clerk Wins “Slowest Person of The Year”

Annette Thatcher of Gary, Indiana just won the prestigious “Slowest Person of The Year” award. Thatcher who works as a clerk at Macy’s spends countless hours a day moving at a snails pace to check out customers.

“Sure, my customer lines start out as one or two people in the morning, but by midday I consistently have 8-12 people at my station, and most are complaining, ” said Thatcher.

Annette started her career as a normal paced person working at a diner, where, although she messed up countless orders, customers could expect at least some food on time. “I realized that working at a normal pace just wasn’t for me and I needed to really slow my life down, which is how I came to work at Macy’s,” said Thatcher.

Thatcher’s supervisor, Bill Magirt, said that he “had” to hire Annette. “She showed up late to her interview, which I thought just showed some real balls,” said Magirt. ” After two hours of her trying to get out seven sentences, we knew that she had that Macy’s inefficiency that we pride ourselves on.”

Macy's Clerk Wins Slowest Person of The Year“The thing that really sets Annette apart is she can trick people into thinking she will be the most talented clerk there, and just when she’s helped our customers find that Izod shirt that they saw online…Boom! She’s gives them at least three cash register screw ups, and then has the kahoona’s to ask if the customer wants a Macy’s card. She’s just a gem,” said Magirt.

When asked how she felt about winning the coveted “Slowest Person of The Year” award, Thatcher simply said, “I can’t find the…” and left us hanging for a good ten minutes until we decided to move on.

This is the 31st consecutive time a Macy’s clerk has won the “Slowest Person of The Year” award.

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